Time does actually go really quickly, scarily quickly!

So it’s been a week since my last post and where has the time gone. I feel like my feet have barely touched the ground.

Of course, now, the majority of my time is taken up by my new-found love! That’s my job, but also a聽 certain person too!

It’s that feeling I have always been after – The thought in your head on a Sunday night before work the next day used to be ‘oh god, fuck this job!’ … now it’s ‘I can’t wait to go to work tomorrow!’

For those of you who think it’s a little sad, trust me, you are just filled with unwanted jealousy! When you have that moment in your life – You will look back at a time when you were so sad, miserable and alone in your old job and wonder why the hell you didn’t leave sooner?

This is because we become so comfortable in our jobs and are scared of change. Some of my ex-colleagues have been stuck in their same role for almost 20 years and they have become so miserable. The job has literally sucked the life out of them.

If you are reading this, you must get out!

I think I have been slightly battling some negative thoughts this week. Don’t panic, for those are worrying, because there is no need. I am alive, well and not depressed.

It’s just nice to write them down and tell who ever read this about them.

So, I suppose I have been like an old carton of milk this week – Off. (my favourite joke at the moment).

Although my relationship, work, friends and family are all amazing and I wouldn’t change anything for anything or anyone at the moment – I still feel a little strange.

I am learning more and more about depression every day. I feel my body is constantly battling with it – Sometimes more than others. I know it doesn’t agree with emotion. For years I have struggled with emotion and I think I have realised now why.

Depression has been in my body for years and it’s tried to grasp onto a strong feeling such as emotion and it’s tried to use this to bring me down quicker than flight MH370.

That’s awful. I know. But it’s the first thing which came into my head.

Anyway, enough for one week!

It’s been tough to write this week. It hasn’t come as naturally as it normally does.

Making an effort to keep on blogging. I’ve been inspeared.

It’s been 9 months since I started writing my blog because that’s the time I last had ‘proper’ depression.

Wow. I’ve come so far. It’s great when someone else shows your how proud they are of you but when you feel it yourself, boy is it all worth it.

9 months ago I was depressed, suicidal, felt worthless… blah blah blah… all the usual shit that I don’t want to repeat… but now I feel almost 100 times better.

I have a purpose in life.

I have a girl in my life.

I love going to work.

I miss someone so much that it hurts when I am not with her.

I feel less stressed and anxious about life.

I have managed to control my anger and thoughts.

What’s happened to me? It’s like the old Sam has been replaced with a new one. Version 2. I’m still the same handsome stranger that you all knew before but it’s like I have had a change in lifestyle – Big time.

The same person who prompted me last time has prompted me again to write this blog. Now it’s been the same person twice in a row, I will make a conscious effort to write one a week.

This person has been reading my blog and said it’s amazing what I have conquered in these past months since I started blogging.

I have given up alcohol for 9 months for christ sake! AMAZING! In 90 days time it will be 1 whole year. Incredible.

Yes, people run 26.2 miles in the London marathon but this is still a hard task. A marathon takes 4-5 hours for most people and it is physically and mentally exhausting – This is the same but on a much longer scale.

This is a quick one for now, as it’s past my bedtime. I don’t want to keep waffling but this spontaneous and impromptu post is a dedication to the person who sticks by me, unconditionally loves me and is always there for me.

Even when I am an asshole (a nice one!)

Until next time (within a week!)

If you look for it, it never comes. When you are least expecting something amazing – It’s then that it happens.

I don’t know whether or not to believe my own title of my own blog. We all know the clich茅 but we can never measure this kind of fate because once the moment has passed, we can’t go back, rewind and see how it would have panned out if we had of done things differently!

How annoying is life that we don’t have a rewind button!

The point I am trying to make on today’s blog is that I feel like something amazing is happening to me. For the first time in my life it feels like I don’t need a rewind button – I am happy how things are going (very, in fact!) and I wouldn’t change anything in my life right now.

Maker:0x4c,Date:2017-10-30,Ver:4,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar01,E-Y
A beautiful view from Greyfriar’s Bridge in Shrewsbury marks the outstanding achievement of my alcoholic-free past 8 months.Good job Samuel!

Things to be proud of:

  1. Relationship – It’s going really well – I have fallen in love with someone who feels the same way about me – But it’s more because it’s like I am beginning to settle down – Not in the relationship itself but because things seem to be going my way for once… maybe I was looking at the ‘half-full’ glass as ‘half-empty’ and thinking the worst…
  2. Employment – I have forever been searching for that job, career or path in life where you really want to make a difference. I am not saying I have found my dream job but I have recently started something which I am getting good at, something I am actually enjoying and something I haven’t quit in the first few days! A miracle is occurring!
  3. Alcohol – This Saturday will mark 8 months since I have knowingly / consciously consumed alcohol – I haven’t put ‘any’ alcohol because I’ve made a few exceptions along the way – A literal half-teaspoon full sip of Champers accompanied with some Simpson (OJ) for NYE and a few choc-liquers here and there is literally all I have had. I keep saying this to myself – But I am doing very well for someone who used to go into the local club with his mates, but 15 shots of some awful tasting homemade spirit for 拢1/shot and drink them all. Followed by projectile badness!
  4. Depression – So far, so good. 8 months free. Hmmmm… I stopped alcohol 8 months ago – This is not a coincidence! Maybe this was the key after all. Yes, I admit I have had a bad few moments but these have been completely manageable. Wow – I did not make that vital link until just now!

 

Job done.

Until next time.

Everything is goooooooood. Basic maths involved here. Beware.

I have been prompted to compose this blog by the same crazy lady I met just over 3 months ago at an old job! How time flies. (check window for big clock sailing through the sky)

I’ve been lazy. Lazy in terms of everything to be honest. When you find someone who you fall for (just in case I hadn’t mentioned it), everything seems to be subconsciously put on ‘hold’ and it’s almost like you are stuck in a ‘rut’, but a good and bad one!

Don’t get me wrong, everything is gooood, but something isn’t quite right.

No! Before you ask, that infamous dark cloud hasn’t come back again, I just need to re-focus, take a few steps back and evaluate in order to take more than 3 steps forward; then I’ll be making progress…

4-3=1.

No?

Anybody?


I made it a mission to myself that I would do as much as I can to stop the depression get the better of me when I started this blog back in July 2017. I would say that I have done well but I need to remain focused.

This blog I have been pushed to write is already worth it because it feels so natural to write into the unknown. I still find it strange how almost anybody in the World can stumble across this little blog, out of the billions of web pages and indeed people there are out there on the World Wide Web; and if and when they do, they will imagine me, writing about my life, with cold toes, a glass of sparkling water, demolishing an avocado and thinking how good life is.

Isn’t this technology amazing?

Dad? 馃槈

It’s a very therapeutic thing to do, blogging. Now that I have got into it and developed a little but important following, I like to keep people updated on how I am doing, what I have planned in the pipeline and anything else that I want to share. Which normally is everything, ha!

I guess for some people, life just happens, it appears that they seem to sail through life with absolutely no complications, and they just get on with things. But although that word ‘appear’ is only 6 letters in length and very small, it has a big meaning. Yet again my mind compares myself to other people when I don’t want to do it, it’s a compelling and unwanted trait.

 

But, I am learning.

I am getting better all the time.

I am continually fighting, even if I am a little down, or sick.

I am setting goals and completing them to achieve my daily and weekly tasks!

….and I am still alcohol free! Woooooooo! 7 1/2 months in and only 4 1/2 to go!

 

For some, life might seem or appear easy, but maybe it’s actually really hard for them and we just don’t know what ‘goes on behind closed doors’ and maybe people look at me in that way, who knows! All I know is that I just need to keep working hard with everything, keeping busy, remaining focused, having my all-important social life and spending time with the people who make me smile.

Some, much more than others. Before you ask.


I don’t need to be perfect. I just need to be happy. Two very different things. I would say perfection is impossible because it will differ with everybody’s opinion. No matter what you do, you will never achieve it.

Happiness you can always hold onto because it comes from so many different sources – Job, relationship, family, friends, holidays, plans etc. Whenever something isn’t quite going right, there can always be something or someone else to pick you up when life kicks you in the Jacobs.

…because I’m happy.

IMG_4358
Lyth Hill, Shropshire – Taking in some morning air. The sun was beating down on us!聽

How can 47 days pass so slowly yet 14 days can pass so quickly! What it is about our brains which makes time seem to slow down when you want it to go super-quick yet speed up when we don’t want it to?!

Every morning I used to wake up and just want the day to be over with. My parents always used to tell me to not wish my life away, but when you fall for someone and then they fly half way around the World 5,000 miles away and remain there for the next 47 days it’s really hard not to wish it!

Okay, you’ve guessed, she’s back! After a gruelling 6 week and 5 day wait she’s back in the UK and back with me! Well, she flew back on Jan 22 as you all knew but I haven’t had time to write blog posts, I’ve been busy getting her to fall deeper in love with me.

Ok, sorry, too soppy, but it’s so true. It’s like a dream, but also reality, something which I don’t think I will ever wake up from, and you know what, I don’t want to!


Depression. What’s depression?!

I know it’s not the right way to do it by masking depression with a relationship. Well, that’s not what I am doing, but my mind has been so busy with keeping busy and occupied with a certain person that I have had NO time to think about the awful D word!

It’s good, very good, and it’s step-by-step, which tends to be the best method for me when confronting something like this.

That’s it really, nothing else really to report.

Alcohol has still failed to enter my body, I am very proud of myself after almost reaching 7 months. I’ve added a countdown on my blog which everyone can see so I have 5 months to go now!

12 months without something I have had every week for 10-12 years is quite an achievement for me.

I’ve started the gym again today after a few weeks off. It was tough one-hour session but it was worth it. All those endorphins flowing around my body have made me feel amazing! I will eat earlier in the morning tomorrow though – I could feel my food coming back up to repeat on me after just 10 minutes on the treadmill!

Speechless.

IMG_4151

0631 and I’ve barely slept.

You’ve said your farewells.

Your thoughts, yours tears, your sadness.

Your mum’s wave goodbye.

Memories. Kept.

Overwhelming thoughts pass through my head.

Some good. Some bad.

A lonesome tear runs from my eye.

It touches my cheek with the utmost delicacy.

I’m waiting for you. In bed.

I am finding it so hard to believe.

62 days to 47 to zero.

You changed your life for me.

You changed your smile for me.

You changed your heart for me.

I’ll be your hero.

Less than 12 hours to go.

You are up there. In the skies. So high.

Sleeping beauty. Smiling about us. Dreaming.

I’m watching the minutes pass by.

We are going to do nothing but try.

It’s almost time to see you.

Just a few more hours to watch.

Now I’m half asleep, my eyes are closing.

Always thinking of you.

We’re smiling to ourselves.

Without a care who sees.

Who…?

Exactly! It’s nobody else but us.

You’re coming home; Adriana.

It’s been an eternity.

We’ve loved. We’ve cried. We’ve laughed.

You’re coming home for me.

I’m Speechless.