If you look for it, it never comes. When you are least expecting something amazing – It’s then that it happens.

I don’t know whether or not to believe my own title of my own blog. We all know the clich茅 but we can never measure this kind of fate because once the moment has passed, we can’t go back, rewind and see how it would have panned out if we had of done things differently!

How annoying is life that we don’t have a rewind button!

The point I am trying to make on today’s blog is that I feel like something amazing is happening to me. For the first time in my life it feels like I don’t need a rewind button – I am happy how things are going (very, in fact!) and I wouldn’t change anything in my life right now.

A beautiful view from Greyfriar’s Bridge in Shrewsbury marks the outstanding achievement of my alcoholic-free past 8 months.Good job Samuel!

Things to be proud of:

  1. Relationship – It’s going really well – I have fallen in love with someone who feels the same way about me – But it’s more because it’s like I am beginning to settle down – Not in the relationship itself but because things seem to be going my way for once… maybe I was looking at the ‘half-full’ glass as ‘half-empty’ and thinking the worst…
  2. Employment – I have forever been searching for that job, career or path in life where you really want to make a difference. I am not saying I have found my dream job but I have recently started something which I am getting good at, something I am actually enjoying and something I haven’t quit in the first few days! A miracle is occurring!
  3. Alcohol – This Saturday will mark 8 months since I have knowingly / consciously consumed alcohol – I haven’t put ‘any’ alcohol because I’ve made a few exceptions along the way – A literal half-teaspoon full sip of Champers accompanied with some Simpson (OJ) for NYE and a few choc-liquers here and there is literally all I have had. I keep saying this to myself – But I am doing very well for someone who used to go into the local club with his mates, but 15 shots of some awful tasting homemade spirit for 拢1/shot and drink them all. Followed by projectile badness!
  4. Depression – So far, so good. 8 months free. Hmmmm… I stopped alcohol 8 months ago – This is not a coincidence! Maybe this was the key after all. Yes, I admit I have had a bad few moments but these have been completely manageable. Wow – I did not make that vital link until just now!


Job done.

Until next time.

Everything is goooooooood. Basic maths involved here. Beware.

I have been prompted to compose this blog by the same crazy lady I met just over 3 months ago at an old job! How time flies. (check window for big clock sailing through the sky)

I’ve been lazy. Lazy in terms of everything to be honest. When you find someone who you fall for (just in case I hadn’t mentioned it), everything seems to be subconsciously put on ‘hold’ and it’s almost like you are stuck in a ‘rut’, but a good and bad one!

Don’t get me wrong, everything is gooood, but something isn’t quite right.

No! Before you ask, that infamous dark cloud hasn’t come back again, I just need to re-focus, take a few steps back and evaluate in order to take more than 3 steps forward; then I’ll be making progress…




I made it a mission to myself that I would do as much as I can to stop the depression get the better of me when I started this blog back in July 2017. I would say that I have done well but I need to remain focused.

This blog I have been pushed to write is already worth it because it feels so natural to write into the unknown. I still find it strange how almost anybody in the World can stumble across this little blog, out of the billions of web pages and indeed people there are out there on the World Wide Web; and if and when they do, they will imagine me, writing about my life, with cold toes, a glass of sparkling water, demolishing an avocado and thinking how good life is.

Isn’t this technology amazing?

Dad? 馃槈

It’s a very therapeutic thing to do, blogging. Now that I have got into it and developed a little but important following, I like to keep people updated on how I am doing, what I have planned in the pipeline and anything else that I want to share. Which normally is everything, ha!

I guess for some people, life just happens, it appears that they seem to sail through life with absolutely no complications, and they just get on with things. But although that word ‘appear’ is only 6 letters in length and very small, it has a big meaning. Yet again my mind compares myself to other people when I don’t want to do it, it’s a compelling and unwanted trait.


But, I am learning.

I am getting better all the time.

I am continually fighting, even if I am a little down, or sick.

I am setting goals and completing them to achieve my daily and weekly tasks!

….and I am still alcohol free! Woooooooo! 7 1/2 months in and only 4 1/2 to go!


For some, life might seem or appear easy, but maybe it’s actually really hard for them and we just don’t know what ‘goes on behind closed doors’ and maybe people look at me in that way, who knows! All I know is that I just need to keep working hard with everything, keeping busy, remaining focused, having my all-important social life and spending time with the people who make me smile.

Some, much more than others. Before you ask.

I don’t need to be perfect. I just need to be happy. Two very different things. I would say perfection is impossible because it will differ with everybody’s opinion. No matter what you do, you will never achieve it.

Happiness you can always hold onto because it comes from so many different sources – Job, relationship, family, friends, holidays, plans etc. Whenever something isn’t quite going right, there can always be something or someone else to pick you up when life kicks you in the Jacobs.

…because I’m happy.

Lyth Hill, Shropshire – Taking in some morning air. The sun was beating down on us!聽

How can 47 days pass so slowly yet 14 days can pass so quickly! What it is about our brains which makes time seem to slow down when you want it to go super-quick yet speed up when we don’t want it to?!

Every morning I used to wake up and just want the day to be over with. My parents always used to tell me to not wish my life away, but when you fall for someone and then they fly half way around the World 5,000 miles away and remain there for the next 47 days it’s really hard not to wish it!

Okay, you’ve guessed, she’s back! After a gruelling 6 week and 5 day wait she’s back in the UK and back with me! Well, she flew back on Jan 22 as you all knew but I haven’t had time to write blog posts, I’ve been busy getting her to fall deeper in love with me.

Ok, sorry, too soppy, but it’s so true. It’s like a dream, but also reality, something which I don’t think I will ever wake up from, and you know what, I don’t want to!

Depression. What’s depression?!

I know it’s not the right way to do it by masking depression with a relationship. Well, that’s not what I am doing, but my mind has been so busy with keeping busy and occupied with a certain person that I have had NO time to think about the awful D word!

It’s good, very good, and it’s step-by-step, which tends to be the best method for me when confronting something like this.

That’s it really, nothing else really to report.

Alcohol has still failed to enter my body, I am very proud of myself after almost reaching 7 months. I’ve added a countdown on my blog which everyone can see so I have 5 months to go now!

12 months without something I have had every week for 10-12 years is quite an achievement for me.

I’ve started the gym again today after a few weeks off. It was tough one-hour session but it was worth it. All those endorphins flowing around my body have made me feel amazing! I will eat earlier in the morning tomorrow though – I could feel my food coming back up to repeat on me after just 10 minutes on the treadmill!



0631 and I’ve barely slept.

You’ve said your farewells.

Your thoughts, yours tears, your sadness.

Your mum’s wave goodbye.

Memories. Kept.

Overwhelming thoughts pass through my head.

Some good. Some bad.

A lonesome tear runs from my eye.

It touches my cheek with the utmost delicacy.

I’m waiting for you. In bed.

I am finding it so hard to believe.

62 days to 47 to zero.

You changed your life for me.

You changed your smile for me.

You changed your heart for me.

I’ll be your hero.

Less than 12 hours to go.

You are up there. In the skies. So high.

Sleeping beauty. Smiling about us. Dreaming.

I’m watching the minutes pass by.

We are going to do nothing but try.

It’s almost time to see you.

Just a few more hours to watch.

Now I’m half asleep, my eyes are closing.

Always thinking of you.

We’re smiling to ourselves.

Without a care who sees.


Exactly! It’s nobody else but us.

You’re coming home; Adriana.

It’s been an eternity.

We’ve loved. We’ve cried. We’ve laughed.

You’re coming home for me.

I’m Speechless.

7.4 Billion people and only 2 impressions.


What sort of impression can we make from meeting someone in those first few seconds of ‘that first impression’.

There seems to be countless articles about making the right one, the perfect scenario, body language, what to say, what not to say, how to stand, how to look, blah blah… but surely the first impression of meeting someone is so unique because whatever you believe, out of the 7.4 billion people in the World, only you and the person you’re staring at will EVER聽know what it’s like to meet is this way…

I find this fascinating!

The Earth is 4.5 Billion years old. There are more people tha have died than are alive today. So how many first impressions have EVER been made?

Nobody has any idea as to how long it will survive… but something brought two people together to meet and make their own first impressions with each other.

This will never happen again.

Okay, you’re telling me that anything which has happened will never happen again, which is true. But I ask one question…

Why? And this isn’t a bad thing at all!… but why have these particular people been placed in this situation?

I am not really a believer of fate but when people use the clich茅 –聽‘there’s someone out there for everyone’ (which all the single people hate!)- Then you really start to wonder why…

You can never explain why! That’s the annoying part!

I sometimes don’t like accepting things for what they are, or how they happen, because I always want to know why. Maybe it’s a little part of my low self-esteem coming through? Like, why has this happened to me?!

It’s 6am and I am having a bit of a ramble I suppose but for those who will read this, you will all suddenly start thinking about the little things in life whether they be good or bad and think why? – Once the thought is placed in your mind it never goes away… remember the post on elephants?!

So, where am I going with this…? (not really sure!)

First impressions never turn into anything. It’s a first impression and that’s it. No matter what happens between you and that person, it will remain as this and only this.

As you know I have met somebody recently and we have had our own first impression. You are probably all thinking that the first impression was amazing, it was love at first sight and we sailed happily together into the sunset…

Hmmm… not quite.

This person actually came to the shop where I was working at the time and started to complain to me about the company and their ever-so-poor customer service! I will NOT disclose the company name as that would be so unprofessional of me.

I had been at聽VODAFONE聽just a short time that day (in relation to shift) when a short, dark-haired woman entered the shop and instantly took the path leading to me as I was the only free staff member.

She started to complain because聽VODAFONE聽had promised her a free tablet… again… blah blah (the slanderous comments about an ex-employer can wait for another day – That juicy post can wait)…

I was a little flustered when dealing with this crazy woman because I was getting the brunt of聽VODAFONE’S聽cock-up. Nevertheless, with all my experience in customer service, I quickly resolved the situation and helped this woman with her issue.

Still trying to cut this story short here…

Our first impression wasn’t great. It was a retail environment. She didn’t want to be wasting her time complaining and I didn’t want to be somewhere I hated working.

We made the most of an frustrating and challenging situation and resolved it, ASAP.

We NEVER get to make a first impression twice.

But… with my ‘crazy’ woman, I did!

We’ll call it the second, third, fourth impression for those of you who want to be facetious about my little anecdote here (I would!), but every moment after that seemed to be a first impression.


The more I found out about her, the more I fell in love with her.

The more I saw her, the more I wanted to see her again.

The more I heard her voice, the more I wanted her to talk.

The more she stared at me, the more I wanted her to keep her eyes open.

The more she sighed with happy thoughts, the more I wanted her to continue breathing.

The more she told me about her, the more I wanted her to speak.


Everyday after our聽first impression聽was like it was the most natural feeling in the world.

Which ever ‘impression’ I think of right now, whether it’s the first, second, fifth, tenth or one-hundredth…

One of those impressions made her change the flight, to come back from her family holiday, 15 days early… just to see me!


YES! 15 days.



You can call her by her name.

I will call her Nana, mi amor.

Humans are crazy; The things we do for emotion are phenomenal!


What sort of person goes away on holiday with their family and comes back 2 weeks early?

A crazy person.

A person who is in love.

A person who is desperate to see the love of her life.

A person who thinks about someone so much she cannot bare to be without them much longer.

She is strong.

She is determined.

She is tenacious.

She is lacking oxygen.

She describes of her oxygen being 5,000 miles away.

She talks about finding each other at the perfect time.

She says we are against the world.

She talks about our future.

She talks about her paradise is being back in England.

Her heart is in pain.

He is the glue to repair her heart.

She feels alive.

She feels sexy.

She feels loved.

She feels wanted.

She feels every part of her body is being loved.

She is reborn.

Her skin craves for him.

She feels beautiful in his arms.

She is slowly realising that age is a number which isn’t important.

She says the only texts that matters are his.

She has butterflies in her stomach when she thinks about him.

She feels sick every day.

Only keeping busy will mask these feelings.

After 10 years of holidays this is the one she didn’t want to take.

She has been counting down since day 1.

She counts daily. Just like him.

She sends texts, pictures, voice clips, video clips, makes video calls – Just for him.

She risks a lot.

She risks everything.

He knows.

He knows how much this is hurting her.

He cannot do anything about it.

Each day he wakes up and craves her attention, her presence over social media.

He knows her texts are the most important.

He has been counting down the days to see her, religiously.

He’s been driving himself mad.

He is slowly managing all his thoughts.

He has anxiety.

He has suffered from depression.

He is sometimes paranoid.

He knows it’s all in his head.

He has a partially broken mind.

He is working so hard聽to fix this.

He wants this pain to be over.

His heart is aching as much as hers.

She is his glue.

He needs her.

He wants her.

He’s sad without her.

He’s happy without her.

He keeps himself busy.

He waits for her texts like a dog waits for the postman.

He grabs his opportunity where he can.

He makes the most of the time with her.

He knows she is doing her very best.

He gets frustrated with not seeing her.

He knows it’s not long but it still kills him everyday.

He thinks about their future.

He is me.

She is her.

No names.

They are not needed.


Identity is not necessary in love.


8 days to fall in love.


47 apart.


A lifetime remains.