Social Media… ahhhhh! It’s such a fantastic tool for communication, spreading news and sharing media all over the World… but I’ve just had enough for now. I’m taking a break because there is just too much shit on there. As you all know, or should do by now, I don’t sugar-coat things I say to people, I’ll tell them and if they don’t like it then it’s as tough as Mum’s cooking.
I’m going to continue writing my blog because it’s personal to me. The people who are closest to me and are interested in what I am going through can still follow my progress on here, so it’s a goodbye to Facebook for a while.
Today is an anniversary for me, 4 months to the day since I stopped alcohol for my 1-year challenge. So this will be day 1 of no social media. Well, that will be tomorrow as I was using it this morning at work!
Tomorrow’s blog will be more information about the T-totalness over the last 120 days!
I would probably say that the last 2 weeks have been a little harder than normal. I’ve been a bit more stressed at work (nothing like before) but I’ve been proud to say I have managed it and I have got immediate-future plans to control certain situation. It’s something I don’t think I have been able to do before because of either not knowing how, being frightened of the outcome or simply unwilling to take the risk, but f*ck it, what’s the worst that can happen?
Take my money and send me the Doctor Pepper!
I’ve been in charge at work this week as my line manager is away, again, drinking gin somewhere… she sounds like she has an easy life! I’m sure I’ll get a wrap round the knuckles for this! **no, really! she beats me! This is a cry for help!**
Jokes aside, we were expecting a visit from the regional and divisional managers so I made a sincere and conscious effort (more than normal, as you do) prior to their arrival.
Throughout my life, I’ve always been told by a few people, one who happens to look like Patrick Stewart, who I call Dad, that hard work pays off. It’s something you don’t really think about when said but every so often this phrase presents itself to you in life and says “Haha, here’s the hard work paying off, I told you so, never doubt me again!”
We all know that hard work pays off but we never really believe it until it inevitably happens, maybe throw in a little karma for not believing the ones we should.
So, after all the procrastination and contemplating how to word this ‘hard work’, there is nothing really complicated about it!
We worked incredibly hard as a team to get the store ship-shape – The usual of coming to work early to sort paperwork, staying late to clean and really putting in the extra effort – Some might have thought we were expecting ‘Big Lizzie’ the way we were cleaning! *Big Lizzie being the Queen – Sorry for addressing you like a porn star, your majesty.
Slightly more nervous than… well, for once, I’m stuck for what to say *shocker*, but let’s go for slightly more nervous than me receiving a crate of Jack Daniels, the big guns arrived and we completed our shop floor walk and chat about figures etc. I won’t bore you with the details (although guys, if you are reading this, I thoroughly enjoyed your visit!) but it went very well.
A very long story short, as always, it went incredibly well. It wasn’t perfect, but nothing ever is, and I can’t believe I am saying that because I am a perfectionist!
But hey-ho, it genuinely went really well. The praise I got during and after the visit was extremely appreciated. I thrive off this sort of thing and there was a mention of a hefty pay rise, I’m sure, gents…? I’m sure we covered this didn’t we?!
I’ve really got stuck into work more recently – I think the logic behind it lies within fighting the depression. If I keep busy then I won’t have a chance to slip into that awful state again – The same with most things. I concentrate more on work though because naturally it’s a big part of my life – Just like the rest of us – Minus the scum who sit on their ass and sponge off the government – Or shall I say our salaries! – So it’s good to keep busy and have a new challenge and work on a project.
It’s very sad to imagine how I was feeling a week ago compared to today; empty, down lonely and very depressed amongst so many other weird feelings.
But now I feel so much better. It’s great. I’ve managed to fight depression for another time in my life and it seems to be on the up. Yes, I don’t yet feel 100%, but I feel a darn site better than I did 7 days ago.
But how?! How can my life be that bad that I fall into a downward spiral of self-hate, suicidal thoughts and completely shutting off?
For me now, it’s trying to piece together the parts of the puzzle which will help me understand it more and potentially try to eradicate it or manage it a lot better, should it happen again.
If I think back to the 14th when it all seem to materialise, I was at work, stressed because there was too much paperwork, people were asking questions all the time, I had to try and get the sales in alongside performing all the managerial duties… see where I am going? And this was just work!
The fact that society says I shouldn’t be living at home when I am 30, not having a real career path, not being happy with my body and not really being financially safe hadn’t even entered my mind, at it wasn’t even 11 o’clock yet!
But you know what? Fuck society. It shouldn’t bother me what people think and I certainly shouldn’t have to follow a set path to build a life for myself. There is definitely a certain pressure which seems to be on everybody these days, if the majority of people do something with their lives and it follows a pattern for ‘x’ amount of years then that’s what the new age people should do. It’s bollocks.
The above mentioned ‘issues’ can be worked on time and time again until I get them right; I have the drive, determination, resilience & ethic to complete these things even if I don’t succeed first time.
I’ve never really know what I want to do as a career, and I might never know. So many people just fall into a job which they may or may not be happy with and because it gets them what they want financially or socially, they stick with it regardless of happiness.
I don’t know percentage wise but people unhappy at work who still remain there for a period of 5-10 years or more must be at least 90%! That’s a huge number! Okay, yeah I’ve just plucked that from a chicken’s arse but I reckon it’s not a bad guess.
How many people actually love their job/career?
The main thing now is working on the depression and ensuring I do everything I can to help myself for ‘next time’. Counselling, healthy eating, exercise, focus, headspace, relax and trying not much to give a fuck about things I actually don’t give a fuck about.
PS Sorry for the swearing… felt like a good release.