The competitiveness!

I’m really getting into my stride now with the competitiveness and making sure every time I do some form of exercise I try to beat something from last session. This really spurs me on; thriving off my own individual performance has always been a trait of mine and it definitely helps in this current scenario.

I have been exercising properly now for about 2 weeks and I can honestly say I feel so much better. I have been combining this with a little hypnotherapy which seems to be working well together for me.  I feel fitter, healthier, I have a clearer mind and I feel like I am not having so many bad thoughts / negative feelings. On the occasions that I do have them, my mind quickly eradicates them from my memory and I quickly move on.

This has really been a great tool for me. If anyone out there is feeling a little down, depressed or even ’empty’ – Or a feeling that you can’t even explain, then get running, or do any sort of exercise; after 3 weeks I feel slightly better about myself already, I have more of a spring in my step and some chemicals in my brain are obviously helping me out a little. The combination of whatever I have been doing is obviously a current winning formula.

The endorphins are flowing!

The Gang – Minus the Bride & Groom!

I’ve been keeping up the exercise for approximately 7-10 days now, and although that doesn’t seem like a long time for most, it is for me. Yes, I have done it before, 6 months of hard work led me to shed 3 stone (18Kg) back in 2014.

But this time it is different. Of course, it’s 4 years later, but my mind is different, my focus is different, my life is different and my life’s purpose seems to be dangling in front of me on a piece of string, actually looking promising, rather than not there at all.

I don’t know where or not anxiety, depression and the other feelings I have had played a part in me feeling awful prior to these last 2 weeks, but I am certain in saying so much feels like it has changed.

I would say honestly that I am not feeling 100%, purely because I have had this ‘dark cloud’ or some sort of coloured cloud over my head for so long that I have actually forgotten what ‘normal’ feels like – Maybe I have never known? It’s a kind of sad thought but I have to be realistic here.

Over the past two weeks I would say that the depressive feelings in my head, mind, body etc have cleared up the most. I don’t want to jinx it now and have an episode tomorrow, but something is working.

I am sure my Dad will read this and smile to himself because he has repeated this for so long now it’s like the following words are engraved on the inside of my eyelids:

“Get to that bloody gym and do some exercise, you will feel better!”

Yeah yeah… of course parents are right, but you never tell them that – Not to their faces anyway! You will never hear the end of it trust me – You will be telling someone of their ‘wise words’ and inevitable interfering one day when all you will see out of the corner of your eye using your peripheral vision is a little smirk from them, basically saying…

“I told you so.”

Argh! Haha!

Lesson learned I suppose but it’s so frustratingly funny… I think that’s the best way to describe it.

I have a 10K run coming up at work and also a climb up Snowdon so I want to be prepared as best as a I can. Yes, I could have started sooner, but I didn’t, so quit the moaning and let me suffer now by squeezing all the exercise into the next 4 weeks!

Friday saw one of my very good friends getting married to the love of his life. Gav & Al got married @ the Albright Hussey near Albrighton and it was a brilliant day! I was best man, which was an absolute pleasure. I was accompanied by the love of mine! It’s times like these which make my life worth living.

Perhaps this conversation is too deep for a Sunday night before work but I have to type this somewhere! It’s not something I desperately want to get off my chest, but it is something which I wanted to share – Also a piece to look back on when reflecting on the good times and seeing what really makes me smile.

Aber AirSoft – Stag Do for the Groom

I had arranged the stag do for Gav which was 3 weeks prior to the wedding – I never drank alcohol. Yes, I have passed my 1-year mark but I want to keep going. If I can stay sober for 1 year, stay sober through a stag do, stay sober through a wedding – This pretty much makes me invincible, right?

This is definitely a superpower – Because I bet I could pick 1,000 people from the streets of Shrewsbury who would not be able to complete the same challenge as me!

A diamond in the rough

The photo here is a random one from this week. Lucy, posing, from a walk through Nesscliffe woods with other miscellaneous animals and humans.

Unfortunately, I am not writing a post here about my devilishly good looks. I haven’t got enough time this year to even begin to start writing about them.

As strange, modest, happy and ill-timed as my sense of humour seems at this current moment in time, it’s the complete opposite story for the way I feel.

a diamond in the rough is referring to the fact that no matter how shit things feel sometimes, regardless of what or who has caused them, there is something good in your life; you just need to see it, be shown it or find out how to see it yourself.

I currently have this going on right now. After having a busy day at work I have come home and I’m just struggling to keep my head above water. Don’t worry, I’m not in the bath and slowly slipping under from the tiredness, it was a metaphor.

I love this writing. It’s so strange how I can feel ‘down’ yet still have the courage to write something silly and try and make the readers of my blog smile. I’m sure some of you must do because I am guilty at laughing at my own jokes!

This ‘funny man’ sometimes is what keeps me going. Whether I am on my own, with a friend or even a group of people, sometimes he says something to me, and I smile to myself; temporarily occupying my mind and taking it adrift from the dark clouds which linger above.

A fuzzy head & sweaty body


After Monday’s episode of feeling down my head feels very fuzzy. As always, it’s so hard to explain. It’s almost like depression, but not. The way I feel right now is a little tired, and almost as if my head just wants to give up on everything. It’s saying:

“This is too much. I can’t handle all these emotions at once.”

I can. I really believe I can. I just need to work smarter not harder. Don’t you just hate that phrase?! But when it relates to you it’s so annoying because it’s true!

Recovery is now on the cards and I need to move on from this weeks happenings and remain focused. Being proactive not so reactive.

I can’t be that because I’ve just ran 4 miles in a fairly good time (for a big lad) without moaning about it being too hot, too far or even too much effort. See the above photo or STRAVA link on the right-hand side of this blog.

I’m a fighter. I don’t want to and I am not going to give up on this because it might kill me! But that is NOT going to happen, so whichever family member / friend reads this and thinks the worst – you don’t need to go into a meltdown and ring me to make sure I am ok! I’m good.

Making an effort to keep on blogging. I’ve been inspeared.

It’s been 9 months since I started writing my blog because that’s the time I last had ‘proper’ depression.

Wow. I’ve come so far. It’s great when someone else shows your how proud they are of you but when you feel it yourself, boy is it all worth it.

9 months ago I was depressed, suicidal, felt worthless… blah blah blah… all the usual shit that I don’t want to repeat… but now I feel almost 100 times better.

I have a purpose in life.

I have a girl in my life.

I love going to work.

I miss someone so much that it hurts when I am not with her.

I feel less stressed and anxious about life.

I have managed to control my anger and thoughts.

What’s happened to me? It’s like the old Sam has been replaced with a new one. Version 2. I’m still the same handsome stranger that you all knew before but it’s like I have had a change in lifestyle – Big time.

The same person who prompted me last time has prompted me again to write this blog. Now it’s been the same person twice in a row, I will make a conscious effort to write one a week.

This person has been reading my blog and said it’s amazing what I have conquered in these past months since I started blogging.

I have given up alcohol for 9 months for christ sake! AMAZING! In 90 days time it will be 1 whole year. Incredible.

Yes, people run 26.2 miles in the London marathon but this is still a hard task. A marathon takes 4-5 hours for most people and it is physically and mentally exhausting – This is the same but on a much longer scale.

This is a quick one for now, as it’s past my bedtime. I don’t want to keep waffling but this spontaneous and impromptu post is a dedication to the person who sticks by me, unconditionally loves me and is always there for me.

Even when I am an asshole (a nice one!)

Until next time (within a week!)

Like a fine wine, like an old cheese…

Just to start us off – Photo of the week was yet again food, because it’s amazing! These were old pita breads which were 7 days old and about to be chucked away – So I shoved some mashed boiled egg, rocket, spinach, feta, black pepper and oil in and made a delish meal!

A modesty blog, a blog full of self-appreciation, a blog full of big-headed comments. Of course, why the f*ck not, this is all about me, screw the rest of you.

Not really, but I like to think you get what I am saying. If not. Listen closely. Turn your hearing aid up, sit back in your rocking chair with your mug of Earl Grey (mother) and don’t be an interrupting tw*t.

I’ve heard so many people moaning recently; moaning about life, relationships, work, friends, etc etc – So much negativity from so few mouths! I am sure there is some sort of old myth  / cliché lying about somewhere which states that if you think negative then negative things or bad things will happen.

I haven’t really thought like that for a while. I’ve been busy, keeping myself active and sometimes (mainly at work) racing around like a headless chicken. For me, this helps. Keeping my tiny brain occupied is one of the contributing to factors to me battling depression.

For those of you who are now thinking, ‘Oh my god, you a such a hypocrite, you moan all the time!’ – Well, yes, I do, but I do it for effect and probably because there is nothing better to do at the time! It’s the real moaners you have to watch out for, the people who can bring you down with their negativity, the people who don’t make you smile when you see them and the people who just aren’t worth your time of day.

For those of you who actually may be inspired by my not-yet-award-winning-blog, get of your fat ass and do something about what you want to change. If I can, you can.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t turned myself into a health freak (yet), I am just eating the usual junk or craving food in moderation, going to the gym and changing little things at a time. I’ve seen big change already in almost 4 months so that’s the most inspirational and  motivating thing for me personally.

I’m currently sat in my shorts writing this blog, eating 2 semi-hard boiled eggs and fried mashed potato and veg from 2 days ago. I’m no Gordon Ramsey but it actually tastes pretty darn good.

Now I have got myself in better shape, I will be starting some challenges soon and posting them on here. Little ones, but achieving something even as small as making your bed in the morning really does help me with depression. It sounds really silly to think about but I used to just leave it when I walked out of the house. If I am now in a rush, over sleep, or have something which makes me late for work in the morning, I will always make my bed to tell myself that I have achieved something.