A diamond in the rough

The photo here is a random one from this week. Lucy, posing, from a walk through Nesscliffe woods with other miscellaneous animals and humans.


Unfortunately, I am not writing a post here about my devilishly good looks. I haven’t got enough time this year to even begin to start writing about them.

As strange, modest, happy and ill-timed as my sense of humour seems at this current moment in time, it’s the complete opposite story for the way I feel.

a diamond in the rough is referring to the fact that no matter how shit things feel sometimes, regardless of what or who has caused them, there is something good in your life; you just need to see it, be shown it or find out how to see it yourself.

I currently have this going on right now. After having a busy day at work I have come home and I’m just struggling to keep my head above water. Don’t worry, I’m not in the bath and slowly slipping under from the tiredness, it was a metaphor.

I love this writing. It’s so strange how I can feel ‘down’ yet still have the courage to write something silly and try and make the readers of my blog smile. I’m sure some of you must do because I am guilty at laughing at my own jokes!

This ‘funny man’ sometimes is what keeps me going. Whether I am on my own, with a friend or even a group of people, sometimes he says something to me, and I smile to myself; temporarily occupying my mind and taking it adrift from the dark clouds which linger above.

A fuzzy head & sweaty body

strava

After Monday’s episode of feeling down my head feels very fuzzy. As always, it’s so hard to explain. It’s almost like depression, but not. The way I feel right now is a little tired, and almost as if my head just wants to give up on everything. It’s saying:

“This is too much. I can’t handle all these emotions at once.”

I can. I really believe I can. I just need to work smarter not harder. Don’t you just hate that phrase?! But when it relates to you it’s so annoying because it’s true!

Recovery is now on the cards and I need to move on from this weeks happenings and remain focused. Being proactive not so reactive.

I can’t be that because I’ve just ran 4 miles in a fairly good time (for a big lad) without moaning about it being too hot, too far or even too much effort. See the above photo or STRAVA link on the right-hand side of this blog.

I’m a fighter. I don’t want to and I am not going to give up on this because it might kill me! But that is NOT going to happen, so whichever family member / friend reads this and thinks the worst – you don’t need to go into a meltdown and ring me to make sure I am ok! I’m good.

When I…

dream

wake up

yawn

get out of bed

put my clothes on

brush my teeth

wash my face

go for a wee wee! (Haha)

get ready for work

unlock my car

get in my car

drive to work

walk from my parking space

breath in fresh air

listen to the morning car horns

see birds playing in the river

smell freshly cooking sausages

walk up Wyle Cop

smell roasted coffee beans at Starbucks

stare into Lloyd’s bank window

walk up Pride Hill

open the door at work

have a full day at work

serve annoying customers

serve lovely customers

slurp my morning coffee

gaze out of the shop window

wander around the shop floor

go out on my lunch break

eat my lunch

serve more customers

watch time pass me by minute by minute

close the shop

finally get home

take my shoes off

change my clothes

make tea with family

clean up after eating

relax

study Spanish

watch funny tv

chill out in the chair

contemplate our next FaceTime call

When I do all of these things, Adriana…

I think of you.

This is crazy love. Basically, as I am sure you are aware, every single thing I do I think about you. So strange, yet so amazingly perfect, but somewhat annoying because my mind is overloaded!

We always said that we met at the wrong time in our lives. I disagree with that now. We met at this point in our lives because we were both soulfully searching for the same thing.

I am even thinking about you now as I write this blog post! You are making me crazier. But more importantly, slowly but surely, happier.

I’ve now accepted that you have gone away for a while, and although it’s so hard without you, I just know one day soon, in ‘cuarenta y nueve dias’ time, we’ll be reunited again!

The pain is hurting, making me anxious, stressed, worried, out of control, crazy, sad and so many other challenging thoughts and feelings.

When we FaceTime, they all go away in an instant of seeing your smile.

I think I may actually have a super-happy-induced heart attack when I see you!

Come home, Adriana, I’m waiting for you, I believe I always have been. There’s just been a few things which have happened in our lives to prevent us from meeting until now.