There’s not a lot to report! [reflection]

As the title says, there is not really a lot to report! But, as you all know, that wouldn’t stop someone like me having a little ramble – So don’t think you have got away lightly!

So here goes…

I suppose this week has been all about reflection and looking back on what my ‘life’ was like before my current ‘I can conquer the World’ attitude.

I don’t like to be too deconstructive and harsh about myself, but I was fat, lethargic, overweight, unable to cope, struggling at work, lazy, had low-self esteem and amongst many other things I felt so unhappy with life. This all led me to believe that I couldn’t see how things were going to get better, so all these ‘bad’ attributes lead me to the road of the dark days – See the first post right here by clicking this link and see how bad things got for me.

I am not going to say I am ‘cured’ – Because I think that is near enough impossible. Nothing is curable, in my opinion of course, because something can ALWAYS return. I’d like to say I am prepared, this being the operative word. If my dark days try to come back and haunt me, again, I feel I will be ready and be able to rationalise those thoughts which bring a big lad (not so much anymore!) like me down so many pegs!

2017 vs 2013

So the above image is obviously 2 photographs taken about four years apart. I was looking at myself in the mirror last week (standard when you are this good-looking) and thought, shit a brick! I am so much different. The photo on the right stood out for me and was an iconic moment from Geno’s 60th BBQ back in 2013 – So I extracted this out and placed it next to a recent photo of me from Rodney’s Pillar – Taken a few weeks back.

It’s almost a perfect picture because on the right we have a fit, healthy motivated Sam who has just completed his RP march. Then on the right we have Sam at a BBQ doing what he loves best and shoving his face full of food! Don’t get me wrong, I still do this but I moderation and in conjunction with HIIT exercises and multiple gymnasium visits!

Healthiness, fitness and that sort of thing aside, I am enjoying work a lot more. After really getting stuck in to some of the projects that Vodafone are rolling out, such as the new Tech Role – I really feel for the first time in a looooong time that I have some sort of purpose in life – Even if it’s temporarily it’s still a good feeling.

Depression makes me feel the complete opposite – Like I have no purpose at all. It makes me think ‘what’s the f*cking point in even being here, would anyone miss me?’ – When in actual fact if you have purpose in life, whatever it is, no matter how big or small, someone will always miss you and something like taking your own life is NEVER the answer.

For those reading I am NOT thinking about that at all, I am just looking back to how I felt, hence part of the title, [reflection]. I always get a few texts when I write these blog posts about 2-3 hours after I write them asking ‘Are you ok??’ – Which is lovely because who doesn’t like to know people care? But this is just a notification that I am feeling on top of the Woorrrrlllllllld! But please, for those who will remain anonymous, send them anyway!

Let’s get some juices flowing!

Post-gym breakfast after an early morning workout on Sunday (the day of rest) – Oven baked field mushrooms soaked in garlic butter, crispy bacon and a double-egg
Pan-fried chicken breast, egg noodles, glazed onions, cherry toms and a drizzle of oil followed by a generous coating of cracked black pepper
Sea-shell shaped pasta, red pesto, feta, basil, oil, pepper – Accompanied by a homemade garlic butter embedded deep into a crusty French stick – C’était très bon!

I’ve always wanted to be something in my life, I’ve always wanted to make that difference and be recognised for it. Although I love helping people in my day-to-day job, there is no real recognition for what I (also we) do. Yes, we go to a conference every few months and have a laugh, learn something new and we are motivated for a few days afterwards, but after that it all really dies down.

I will be focusing my energy (as there is now an abundance of it) on my career.

A relationship can wait because I just can cope with all these women at once! Ha!

I am looking at doing something where I can really make a difference to people’s live, whether direct or indirect, and somehow get praise, recognition or some sort of good feeling from it. It’s life a selfish good deed which I am happy with – Why not get happiness out of making someone else happy!? Some might say (great Oasis song!) that sunshine follows thunder… no!… Some might say that you should put your own happiness first and do what makes you happy, but I think this really would. I love helping people in the shop now but it isn’t really a role where I am praised enough to my liking. There is not enough of a wow factor in it for me. I need more and I will go and search for it.

If there weren’t so many f*cktards who came into the shop it would make my life a lot easier… and that’s just the staff!